No one really likes being told to “let it go.” It’s guaranteed to piss off a partner or spouse in an argument, that’s for sure.
And the thing is, our aptitude for letting go doesn’t align with the frequency with which we receive the advice, so clearly we don’t know how. This is not—at least not entirely—the character flaw we’ve made it out to be.
Of course there are countless small “it” things to let go of in a day: a judgey look or offhanded remark, the lame traffic guy. It’s wise to develop this discernment and skill. But “letting go” is on a continuum, not always an easy or even appropriate response to life’s insults.
Being told, or telling yourself, to “let it go” as a default response to sticky feelings often implies that the problem with “it” is in the beholder. You’ve gotten it wrong. You’re over-reacting or being “too sensitive.” You just need to lighten up.
But part of the reason we get so sticky and reactive is that our brave little nervous systems are all jammed up. We’ve got big, unresolved hurts floating around with the traffic jerks and snarky waiters and it’s hard to see what’s what.
What really needs your attention and care?
Therapy is a good place to go for this work, for the internal housekeeping that can lead to actual, not forced, clarity, discernment, and calm. Meditation, especially under the right guidance, can also be a place for deep healing.
In the day to day, more casually, meditation is also a place to offload some of the stress. It is the brave nervous system’s well-deserved break.
Experiencing an uptick in my own anxious thinking over the past two weeks (it took me three days to recover from an overdose on news, and every day is an overdose on news if you’re going to go there), I’ve been leaning into letting go in my meditation practice.
While the directive might normally annoy me, the way I’m calling upon it here feels like friendly support. It feels like a place to unburden some of the holding and tension in my body and mind without needing to problem solve or fix. On a sensory level, it feels a bit like removing a heavy backpack. Over and over, releasing some of the weight.
So today, letting go. Not in a critical or “you should” sort of way, but as an invitation. Letting go by giving yourself a kind, generous, soft-strong place to land.
xo,
Christa
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