Three-Minute Monday: a brief meditation on lovingkindness

In meditation, the practice of lovingkindness, or metta, is taught as a way to cultivate compassion. It is meant to keep the heart open, to self and others.

In the practice, you start with directing the thoughts and energy of lovingkindness to yourself. You work with with three phrases or wishes: May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be at peace.

Next, you move on to a friend. Then you choose someone neutral but familiar: a regular delivery person in your neighborhood, the deli guy, a parent you often see but don’t talk to at your kid’s school. Finally, you direct the practice of lovingkindness to a challenging person in your life. Maybe not the most difficult person, but someone with whom there’s a little friction and grip.

It’s a practice of softening, opening. It gives the mind a break from assessing and figuring out the people in our lives so we can maybe, for a few minutes, open to our shared humanity.

Over the weekend I did a short practice of lovingkindness focused on only the first step, directed only to me. I was at first tempted to see it as a little less worthwhile than the full practice because it was, y’know, just me. Maybe it was a little too self-focused.

But there’s a reason the teaching starts with directing lovingkindness to one’s self, and we’ve all heard it in various forms many times. You can’t truly give to others a generosity that doesn’t exist within yourself.

I know, there’s that whole thing about caring for others as the only true path. And of course there is wholeness and purpose that can come from service.

But I’d also argue that so many of us end up in trouble with our service and care for others—depleted, depressed, burnt out—because we’ve bypassed true service and care for ourselves. The tank has run dry.

A not just loving but well-loved heart is naturally full. Generosity and compassion aren’t spiritual goals, or tasks, but the natural extension of a nourished spirit. An attitude of lovingkindness emerges as overflow.

So today, we’ll start with ourselves. Just a few minutes of easy lovingkindness directed inward, at the only person you’re sure to hang out with today, and wake up with tomorrow.

xo,
Christa