I’ve been feeling quiet lately. Not quite like I have nothing to say, but more like I have more to learn from listening. I know I’ve said this before, and I’ll likely keep saying it for the remainder of my days.
I’m also in this thing with my body, trying to feel what it wants and needs from the inside out versus going through the motions, pushing it around.
One of the gifts (I really hate that term, but here we go…) of the strange condition I have, and for which I had surgery last August, is that there is no clear fix for this imperfection of the body. The surgery did what it did and was an overall good thing, but I have different symptoms now. I also still have the condition on the other side of my head, and those symptoms are lately on the rise.
Will I do another surgery? Maybe. I can’t think about it for now. Mostly I think it just is what it is. The gift (still hate it…) is a truly beautiful and relentlessly terrible free fall of acceptance.
I’m pretty sure this is what life wants of and for all of us, I’m just on my own weird track. Not fighting for my life in the chemo chair. Not in crisis. But being asked to surrender my need for certainty, one moment to the next.
Why surrender?
Because the certainty is usually false and the struggle to get somewhere…else is usually a source of great pain. Exhausting. Hamster wheel-ish. Devoid of wisdom and rest.
When acceptance comes first, change more naturally finds its way.
So today, and maybe all of the Mondays going forward, we’ll sit and listen. If anything, may my voice help you feel more connected to your own experience and serve as a reminder: whatever life is wanting you to hear and accept, you are most certainly not alone.
xo,
Christa
Share this post