Over the weekend, I was reminded why I named this newsletter what I did. It’s not that I forgot the meaning of Pretty When You Smile, but I had lost touch with the practice.
My daily meditation practice is mostly self-guided. I appreciate and lean on both the sanctuary and discomfort of sitting in solitude. My practice usually involves time for both stillness and inquiry and I don’t need or want a bunch of instructions to follow, another voice in my head.
But sometimes, like this past weekend, when my monkey mind is feeling particularly monkey-ish, I don’t mind being told what to do. I actually crave the company and guidance.
On Saturday morning and then again on Sunday, I turned to Tara Brach’s meditations. It came as a relief to settle in with her voice and wise, compassionate teaching.
In one of the meditations, Tara gave the instruction she often gives: to imagine or invoke a slight smile at the mouth. I think she refers to it as an inward smile, not necessarily anything outwardly obvious or showy. It’s the feeling of a smile that counts.
A few minutes later, she offered this same instruction for the area around the heart: to imagine a slight smile across the chest.
On the surface, this sounds a little woo woo and strange. If you’re at all like me, you might experience some resistance. It might feel kind of dumb.
But if you try it for even a few seconds, you’ll probably get the point. You might sense a little shift and that shift will be something.
That something is the physiological response of your brain releasing feel-good neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, boosting your mood and cueing your body to relax. It’s your nervous system saying thanks.
The idea isn’t to gloss over challenging experience or emotion or to simply “put on a happy face.” The idea is to use a smile to help the body relax and open to whatever is present. The smile makes space, it acts like a friend, helping you hold whatever is here with clear eyes and heart.
When I was thinking about what I wanted to share in this newsletter, this was the basic gist. I wanted to share thoughts and stories that might help you hold whatever was up in your own life. I wanted to impart a feeling of being less alone with it all. A warm smile. A friend. Words to keep you company.
The “pretty” part? Well that came from the flash of a memory from I don’t even know when, years ago. I wasn’t feeling great at the time, certainly not pretty, but I smiled at an old man on the street one day. He looked me in the eye and said, “That’s such a pretty smile.”
It has stuck with me. And of course he was right. Not just about my smile, but about the smile. It may well be the cheapest beauty secret around.
Today we’ll see how it feels to practice this inner smile. It might feel a little silly. It might feel like you’re faking it. It doesn’t matter. Just see if the smile offers up a little more space.
Plus, it’s only three-ish minutes. You can get back to frowning right after. 😍
xo,
Christa
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